Leave My Body Alone

I cannot believe I actually have to write this piece but I am going to do so because I believe that this needs to be said, screamed and written on the the walls. Leave women’s bodies the fuck alone. 

From the beginning of time, women have punished for sexuality and confidence, whilst men have been rewarded and admired for theirs. Words like harlot, heathen, slut have all been used to try to dampen the spirits of women for having feelings and expressing natural urges and desires. This ends now. 

The matter of consent is the main central discussion that needs to be kept in the middle of this post. Women are shamed for being modest and shamed for being sexy. There is literally no winning in the patriarchy because the patriarchy does not understand the concept of consent. If a woman chooses to wear modest clothing, that is her decision and she should not be judged. If a woman chooses to wear revealing clothing, that is her decision and she should not be judged. 

“Leave things to the imagination” they say. Unfortunately, saying that implies that your body and your sexuality is up for their consumption. It implies that the only time you can be open about your appearance is when someone else imagines it. No! The main concept of bodily autonomy is that what is yours is yours. 

Recently, I was messaged by a relative, saying that my latest post on Instagram (which involved me in a selfie with a low cut shirt) was inappropriate. That relative told me I was half dressed and that I shouldn’t be putting up images like that. Why? Because my shoulders and cleavage were on display? As if no other person on this planet possibly possesses those exact same body parts. I was told that I was “pretty and smart” and that I didn’t “need to look sexy for Instagram”. No you’re absolutely right, I am pretty and smart. I didn’t have to do anything for Instagram. I did it because I wanted to, because I felt confident and because I looked pretty damn hot. 

In this day and age, if a cleavage photo bothers you, then you really should adapt your views to the times. If a boy had posted the same photo I did, there would no concern. Why is it only problematic if I do it? Should I cover up and hide myself forever? Does that mean I should never show anyone anything? Why does my perceived nudity alter my intelligence and beauty? 

Women are multi-faceted human beings and honestly our appearance and sexual expression in no way should jeopardise our character and our reputation. Get over yourselves, it’s the 21st century! 

There are so many more problems to be concerned with than a young woman who is confident with her body. And please use that time that you had recently devoted to sexism and slut-shaming to do something productive and positive. 

We are not your babes, we are not your toys. Grow the hell up. 

Women & White Supremacy

White Women Will Be Held Accountable

I write this a few days after Vicky Momberg, a racist real estate agent (we seem to have a lot of those in South Africa), was sentenced to a 3 year prison sentence for her racist rants against the South African Police Service. Vicky Momberg hurled racial slurs at the very people who were there to help her, repeating the word 43 times in a short period of time. 

She was arrested, denied bail and sentenced. In the words of Kim Kardashian, “she got what she deserved”. 

So...why are so many people defending this repulsive human being’s actions? Why are we suddenly concerned with harsh prison sentences? Why are we actively discussing this supposed injustice? I hate to break it to you, this country is racist as fuck. 

Vicky Momberg is a white woman. Usually when we think of white supremacy, we think of Klan members, Nazis, the National Party Government etc...the images we see are most commonly men. 

White supremacy is patriarchal in nature, along with believing that their pasty skin makes them superior, they also believe that their genitals do. It is unsurprising that racism and sexism go hand-in-hand, as they are both based on fundamentalist beliefs and views. 

However, it is ignorant to assume that white supremacy is a male dominated battle. No, white women exist in this space too. From the women who would capture Jewish people in Nazi Germany to the Klanswomen who broadcasted their message over radio, white women have always (and I mean always) been part of the problem. 

Yes, yes, I know - “ not all white people”, I am a white person! It’s okay! The only reason you would get defensive is because you know it applies to you. Anyway, for the longest period of time, white women have simply allowed their male counterparts to participate in their racist actions. 

It is uncomfortable for us to acknowledge that white women can be racist too, on the basis of their gender discrimination that is present in society. For example, in 2016, many white women, undeterred by Donald Trump’s misogynistic viewpoints, voted for him anyway. This is because in the view of the racist white woman, her racial group trumps her gender. 

It is difficult for us to accept that Vicky Momberg, who is not a bakkie driving bald Afrikaans man, can be just as racist because well, she looks like us. White women have been hiding their racism behind their gender oppression for years, so when someone like Ms Momberg comes along, they don’t know what to do. So they settle with defending her, which is highly problematic and if anything, simply confirms how discriminatory they are. 

We speak about her long prison sentence yet ignore the mass incarceration of people of colour. We say it is free speech then get upset when people scoff and say “white people”. We, as a collective, need to address these issues. 

I applaud the members of the court who sentenced Vicky Momberg, even though it is not entirely my place. So I pass the mic onto the people of colour who were affected by her words. 

However, while I am here I want to address the white people reading this. For literally the whole of history, white people have enslaved, brutalised, gentrified and assimilated people of colour. In our country, people who did so with a political motive, were offered amnesty. You are upset with Vicky Momberg getting three years in prison but you are okay with Apartheid criminals roaming free. This is a landmark case, you have a chance to be on the right side of history, take the opportunity to grow from this. 

And as for Vicky Momberg, I speak freely to you here. You got what you deserved, as a relic of the past, you deserve to be left in the past. You were denied bail because your words are dangerous, making you inherently dangerous. Have a good time in incarceration, let’s see where your melanin deficient skin gets you. And, when you do get out - I hope you are reformed. I hope that you think twice before you ever use that disgusting inflammatory word again. And if you do, you will be right back where you started.

White women, let’s check ourselves. As a group of people who have experienced oppression, let us align ourselves with those whose oppression is far greater than our own. Pass the mic and move forward. History has its eyes on you. 

-Mila Brkic

Self Care Extraordinaire

Hello Dear Readers

I am back from my five month blogging break and I am ready to share all of my little tidbits with you on this wonderful website. 

Let me be frank, 2017 was not a good year for me. I didn’t keep up with my mental health, I had a few moments of absolute madness and I had some very testing moments. I was not in the best headspace, which meant that I acted out against the people around me. I also didn’t really take care of myself. Despite my health kick that started in April 2017, which continues to be wonderful for my overall well-being, I seemed to be letting myself fall into a trap of not doing much about well...myself. 

So this year, I decided to start with my very own self titled self care extravaganza. It has been fruitful so far. I have been making sure to leave some time for myself to read a book I like, use some beauty products that I like, eat colourful vegetables everyday etc... Now despite the superficial nature of my newfound self care regiment, I have found that these three months of self awareness have really benefited me. 

Firstly, I am slowly but surely falling in love with myself and my own company. I used to be afraid of spending some time alone and I used to panic about sounding weird when I discussed myself in a positive light but that is a thing of the past. Giving myself some time to appreciate and acknowledge all of my quirks and flaws has made it a lot easier to accept myself. Not every day is a success story on the self love front but I am working towards making every day a success story on the acceptance front. After all, learning to love yourself and understand your worth is vital for your life. 

Secondly, I am investing more time in the community and in speaking to people. I was very closed off before, introverted to the point where any communication was unwelcome. But now, I try to have little chats with people I encounter that aren’t necessarily my friends. It’s been very eye opening for me to hear what people have to say and what they believe, especially for someone who considers themselves to be a humanitarian inclined person. I’ve also started to donate more of my time to a specific charitable organisation, getting involved in this organisation has really improved my overall sense of self and awareness and has opened my heart to a whole new range of people. If there is one advice I can share, give back, give back, give back. Not only does it improve the community and lives around you, it grows and gives meaning to your soul and your life. 

Thirdly, I am no longer apologising for the way that I am. I used to cower away when someone would probe me about something that I like or believe in. Not anymore. If 2017 has taught us anything as a collective is that silence is an undeniable, irrefutable crime. I will write, I will sing, I will read what I want, when I want and how much I want. Anyone who has a negative opinion, is not important in the bigger scheme of things. You do you baby, why waste your time with something that doesn’t benefit your heart? 

So, let’s see where this journey of self love takes me. Hopefully to a good place, where I am able to give back all of the love that I radiate in myself. 

I leave you with a few words of encouragement, do whatever it is that makes you happy, don’t apologise for being yourself and remember this is a long process, not a quick fix. 

You and I may be able to say, at this time next year, that we have come far in our journey of self love and acceptance. Until then, dear reader, be good and be kind. 

Love always 

Mila 

(Email me your self love story and/or tips at mila.brkic14@gmail.com or anything else you would like to talk about, all communication is welcome)