Leave My Body Alone

I cannot believe I actually have to write this piece but I am going to do so because I believe that this needs to be said, screamed and written on the the walls. Leave women’s bodies the fuck alone. 

From the beginning of time, women have punished for sexuality and confidence, whilst men have been rewarded and admired for theirs. Words like harlot, heathen, slut have all been used to try to dampen the spirits of women for having feelings and expressing natural urges and desires. This ends now. 

The matter of consent is the main central discussion that needs to be kept in the middle of this post. Women are shamed for being modest and shamed for being sexy. There is literally no winning in the patriarchy because the patriarchy does not understand the concept of consent. If a woman chooses to wear modest clothing, that is her decision and she should not be judged. If a woman chooses to wear revealing clothing, that is her decision and she should not be judged. 

“Leave things to the imagination” they say. Unfortunately, saying that implies that your body and your sexuality is up for their consumption. It implies that the only time you can be open about your appearance is when someone else imagines it. No! The main concept of bodily autonomy is that what is yours is yours. 

Recently, I was messaged by a relative, saying that my latest post on Instagram (which involved me in a selfie with a low cut shirt) was inappropriate. That relative told me I was half dressed and that I shouldn’t be putting up images like that. Why? Because my shoulders and cleavage were on display? As if no other person on this planet possibly possesses those exact same body parts. I was told that I was “pretty and smart” and that I didn’t “need to look sexy for Instagram”. No you’re absolutely right, I am pretty and smart. I didn’t have to do anything for Instagram. I did it because I wanted to, because I felt confident and because I looked pretty damn hot. 

In this day and age, if a cleavage photo bothers you, then you really should adapt your views to the times. If a boy had posted the same photo I did, there would no concern. Why is it only problematic if I do it? Should I cover up and hide myself forever? Does that mean I should never show anyone anything? Why does my perceived nudity alter my intelligence and beauty? 

Women are multi-faceted human beings and honestly our appearance and sexual expression in no way should jeopardise our character and our reputation. Get over yourselves, it’s the 21st century! 

There are so many more problems to be concerned with than a young woman who is confident with her body. And please use that time that you had recently devoted to sexism and slut-shaming to do something productive and positive. 

We are not your babes, we are not your toys. Grow the hell up. 

Women & White Supremacy

White Women Will Be Held Accountable

I write this a few days after Vicky Momberg, a racist real estate agent (we seem to have a lot of those in South Africa), was sentenced to a 3 year prison sentence for her racist rants against the South African Police Service. Vicky Momberg hurled racial slurs at the very people who were there to help her, repeating the word 43 times in a short period of time. 

She was arrested, denied bail and sentenced. In the words of Kim Kardashian, “she got what she deserved”. 

So...why are so many people defending this repulsive human being’s actions? Why are we suddenly concerned with harsh prison sentences? Why are we actively discussing this supposed injustice? I hate to break it to you, this country is racist as fuck. 

Vicky Momberg is a white woman. Usually when we think of white supremacy, we think of Klan members, Nazis, the National Party Government etc...the images we see are most commonly men. 

White supremacy is patriarchal in nature, along with believing that their pasty skin makes them superior, they also believe that their genitals do. It is unsurprising that racism and sexism go hand-in-hand, as they are both based on fundamentalist beliefs and views. 

However, it is ignorant to assume that white supremacy is a male dominated battle. No, white women exist in this space too. From the women who would capture Jewish people in Nazi Germany to the Klanswomen who broadcasted their message over radio, white women have always (and I mean always) been part of the problem. 

Yes, yes, I know - “ not all white people”, I am a white person! It’s okay! The only reason you would get defensive is because you know it applies to you. Anyway, for the longest period of time, white women have simply allowed their male counterparts to participate in their racist actions. 

It is uncomfortable for us to acknowledge that white women can be racist too, on the basis of their gender discrimination that is present in society. For example, in 2016, many white women, undeterred by Donald Trump’s misogynistic viewpoints, voted for him anyway. This is because in the view of the racist white woman, her racial group trumps her gender. 

It is difficult for us to accept that Vicky Momberg, who is not a bakkie driving bald Afrikaans man, can be just as racist because well, she looks like us. White women have been hiding their racism behind their gender oppression for years, so when someone like Ms Momberg comes along, they don’t know what to do. So they settle with defending her, which is highly problematic and if anything, simply confirms how discriminatory they are. 

We speak about her long prison sentence yet ignore the mass incarceration of people of colour. We say it is free speech then get upset when people scoff and say “white people”. We, as a collective, need to address these issues. 

I applaud the members of the court who sentenced Vicky Momberg, even though it is not entirely my place. So I pass the mic onto the people of colour who were affected by her words. 

However, while I am here I want to address the white people reading this. For literally the whole of history, white people have enslaved, brutalised, gentrified and assimilated people of colour. In our country, people who did so with a political motive, were offered amnesty. You are upset with Vicky Momberg getting three years in prison but you are okay with Apartheid criminals roaming free. This is a landmark case, you have a chance to be on the right side of history, take the opportunity to grow from this. 

And as for Vicky Momberg, I speak freely to you here. You got what you deserved, as a relic of the past, you deserve to be left in the past. You were denied bail because your words are dangerous, making you inherently dangerous. Have a good time in incarceration, let’s see where your melanin deficient skin gets you. And, when you do get out - I hope you are reformed. I hope that you think twice before you ever use that disgusting inflammatory word again. And if you do, you will be right back where you started.

White women, let’s check ourselves. As a group of people who have experienced oppression, let us align ourselves with those whose oppression is far greater than our own. Pass the mic and move forward. History has its eyes on you. 

-Mila Brkic

Self Care Extraordinaire

Hello Dear Readers

I am back from my five month blogging break and I am ready to share all of my little tidbits with you on this wonderful website. 

Let me be frank, 2017 was not a good year for me. I didn’t keep up with my mental health, I had a few moments of absolute madness and I had some very testing moments. I was not in the best headspace, which meant that I acted out against the people around me. I also didn’t really take care of myself. Despite my health kick that started in April 2017, which continues to be wonderful for my overall well-being, I seemed to be letting myself fall into a trap of not doing much about well...myself. 

So this year, I decided to start with my very own self titled self care extravaganza. It has been fruitful so far. I have been making sure to leave some time for myself to read a book I like, use some beauty products that I like, eat colourful vegetables everyday etc... Now despite the superficial nature of my newfound self care regiment, I have found that these three months of self awareness have really benefited me. 

Firstly, I am slowly but surely falling in love with myself and my own company. I used to be afraid of spending some time alone and I used to panic about sounding weird when I discussed myself in a positive light but that is a thing of the past. Giving myself some time to appreciate and acknowledge all of my quirks and flaws has made it a lot easier to accept myself. Not every day is a success story on the self love front but I am working towards making every day a success story on the acceptance front. After all, learning to love yourself and understand your worth is vital for your life. 

Secondly, I am investing more time in the community and in speaking to people. I was very closed off before, introverted to the point where any communication was unwelcome. But now, I try to have little chats with people I encounter that aren’t necessarily my friends. It’s been very eye opening for me to hear what people have to say and what they believe, especially for someone who considers themselves to be a humanitarian inclined person. I’ve also started to donate more of my time to a specific charitable organisation, getting involved in this organisation has really improved my overall sense of self and awareness and has opened my heart to a whole new range of people. If there is one advice I can share, give back, give back, give back. Not only does it improve the community and lives around you, it grows and gives meaning to your soul and your life. 

Thirdly, I am no longer apologising for the way that I am. I used to cower away when someone would probe me about something that I like or believe in. Not anymore. If 2017 has taught us anything as a collective is that silence is an undeniable, irrefutable crime. I will write, I will sing, I will read what I want, when I want and how much I want. Anyone who has a negative opinion, is not important in the bigger scheme of things. You do you baby, why waste your time with something that doesn’t benefit your heart? 

So, let’s see where this journey of self love takes me. Hopefully to a good place, where I am able to give back all of the love that I radiate in myself. 

I leave you with a few words of encouragement, do whatever it is that makes you happy, don’t apologise for being yourself and remember this is a long process, not a quick fix. 

You and I may be able to say, at this time next year, that we have come far in our journey of self love and acceptance. Until then, dear reader, be good and be kind. 

Love always 

Mila 

(Email me your self love story and/or tips at mila.brkic14@gmail.com or anything else you would like to talk about, all communication is welcome) 

Keeping White People Comfortable

The Art of Keeping Up With White People 

It is a fine art, keeping white people happy and comfortable. Not everyone can master it, so I've set up the following rules for you: 

1. Deny everything that mentions any form of white supremacy 
2. Don't speak about hair. Dear lord, don't speak about hair. 
3. And please, please don't bring up slavery. Ever.

If you follow each point, you can succeed in keeping a white person comfortable. Now, let's discuss why we shouldn't do that. 

As a white person myself, I can sense my privelege in my every day life and no matter what I expose myself to, I will never face nor even imagine facing the pain that POC go through on a daily basis. But, what I can do is try to get through to my white counterparts. 

Firstly, POC owe you nothing! A common rhetoric amongst white people involves the idea that people of colour are supposed to educate you on why your behaviour is wrong but that's completely and utterly inaccurate. People of colour shouldn't have to list out reasons for you not to be racist or describe how you using the n-word is demeaning. Please refer to literature and the internet for your "education", people of colour are not your reference book. 

Secondly, acknowledge the past and how you benefit from it. Please stop telling people of colour to "get over" their experiences of segregation, racism etc. Yes, your grandfather may have fled Lithuania in 1979 and yes, you may have to apply for financial aid to go to university but you are still privileged. Pretending like slavery and institutionalised racism aren't real doesn't really help anything. You just sound like your main goal is to keep yourself, as a white person, happy and blissfully unaware of the hardships your ancestors caused (which is probably accurate). 

Thirdly, stop with the micro-aggressions. Yes, Daniel we know that Thando has hair that's different from yours but you really shouldn't touch it or ask to touch it. That's weird and you probably wouldn't appreciate it if Lewis from your rugby team asked to touch your hair. Please stop saying you're "colour blind", we know that's not true. Start working on how you deal with race rather than denying its existence. And for God's sake, stop telling articulate people that they "talk white". Do you even hear yourself? Come on Jeff, that comment comes from your belief that the only white people can verbally express themselves. Hm, I thought you said you were "colour blind"? Nice try though. 

Lastly, stop saying you have black friends! People of colour are not tokens that you can pull out when you are being problematic. Seriously, stop it. It's offensive and dehumanising. Not to mention, it's incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved in the conversation. That's why you didn't get invited to Claude's party, Johan. 

In conclusion, white comfort is not more important that the rights of people of colour. Your bubble of denial is actually harming the world you live in. 

(And to my white readers in South Africa, being a "born free" doesn't excuse you from being racist. It actually means that you have the power and the means to end systemic racism and to try and fix the problems of the past without making it all about you!) 

The path to equality is rough, we all make mistakes along the way. But, you need to acknowledge those mistakes if you ever want to move forward. Nothing good ever comes from denial. 

Think of the past as a history book - learn from it and refer to it. Don't assume it's a work of fiction and then fail the exam and start to blame the author for your mistakes. 

- Mila 

Xx 

*Note - Yes, I know - "not all white people". But in this case, YES all white people, thanks. 

Racism Is Not Dead

An ideology remains alive long after it is illegalised. Legislation does not cure people of their prejudice and truth and reconciliation does not breed forgiveness and consciousness. 

Is that a difficult concept for people to understand? Is it so unearthingly hard for folks to realise that centuries of hatred and oppression do not disappear after a day of democracy? 

Nor should it, quite frankly. It seems as though recognition and discussion has become more fuelled by white guilt than it has by any serious societal adjustment. Let's put this into context: 

1.  Germany post-Hitler 
2. South Africa post-Apartheid
3. America post-Jim Crow Laws 

With regards to Germany, Nazism was outlawed after the end of the war and Germany launched educational reforms in order to discuss the genocide occurring at the hands of the Nazis and their allies. Yet, today, in 2017, people are seen brandishing Nazi flags in protest of refugees. In spite of the entire country trying to move forward and recognise the cruelty of the people living in that country, in spite of the Nazis being charged with war crimes and put on trial - these prejudiced motherfuckers still exist and they continue their lives with their disgusting hate fuelled ideas. 

In South Africa, when Apartheid was outlawed and Nelson Mandela was elected as the first democratically elected President of this new South Africa, some people believed that it was all over. With the help of Desmond Tutu, the Truth & Reconcilliation Comission was set up, it involved people of colour and white people discussing their pain that occurred throughout the apartheid era. It was designed to be a noble attempt at moving forward. Instead, it was turned into a government program that focused more on white guilt than it did on the institutions of discrimination built up over centuries. Today, even though our constitution is sovereign and inclusive and that apartheid is no longer in place, there is a continued systemic oppression of people of colour. Yet, white people believe it's all over and reject that white privilege exists. 

America was de-segregated in the 1960s. From the 1960s, white folk have been silencing black stories because they believe that's it's all over and that suddenly years of pain, oppression and suffering would diminish to exist and that black people would simply, "move on". Yet, police forces still kill unarmed people of colour and black people are still screwed over by the justice system, as if civil rights were never won at all. As previously mentioned, legislation does not cure prejudice. 

I end this post by repeating this notion, legislation does not change ideology. Outlawing racism does not end racism. And the sooner white people stop crying their white tears and acknowledge their privilege, the sooner we can create a free and equal society. 

-Mila Brkic 

*note - yes, I know "not all white people", go fuck yourself :) 

Feminist Writers or Writers Who Are Feminists?

In the world of literature, every female writer is analysed brutally by the public, with authors such as Elena Ferrante being hunted down by an amateur detective and Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche being reprimanded for her extensive Pan-African writing. Yet, James Patterson continues to co-write his stories, cash in millions and somehow manages to never ever be publically shamed. Funny how that works.

Every time a woman writes a story, she needs to be careful. Her characters cannot be too strong, they cannot be too weak, they need to be relatable but not too relatable, they need to be clever but not cliche... blah blah blah. If a woman writes about somebody who has no self esteem, she is seen as anti-feminist. If a woman writes about someone with a wonderful sense of confidence, she is seen as a "feminist bitch". Women just cannot seem to catch a break. 

It seems as though women's literature is somehow judged more harshly due to it being developed in the female mind. For some reason, every story a woman writes needs to be exemplary with perfect characters and perfect language to be considered decent. Whereas, Jo Nesbo can write the same book twelve times and have nobody bat an eye. 

Let women express themselves free from your patriarchal judgment. We have so many stories to tell and your unfair standards and misogynistic critique are simply standing in our way, move them. Oh and don't worry, we'll make sure to include a "strong male character" while we're at it.

- Mila Brkic 

The Future? It's Female.

Hello everyone, in honour of International Women's Day, I have decided to publish this very special blogpost dedicated to all of my favourite women - from my mother to my best friend, to the girls who have offered me support to the women I have seen in media - this post is for all of you. 

Okay, firstly, I love women. I think that the immense support, love and loyalty we show towards one another is absolutely astounding. Every single day, I am inspired and amazed at how kindness prevails amongst us. Whether it's the woman who offered me a tampon in the bathroom when I exclaimed that I had none or the woman who stood up for me when I was sexually harassed, you are all angels and I am so proud that you are on this planet. I love how we can put our differences aside and stand up for each other. 

Secondly, to all of my trans sisters who feel excluded on days like this, I need you to remember that your identity is valid, you are a woman. No doubt about that. You use whichever bathroom you want, wear whatever you want and honestly just live however you want. I am deeply sorry that there are people out there who want to drag you down. I love you and I need you to stay strong and slay my sister! 

Thirdly, to women of colour everywhere, wow. Honestly, wow. You are warriors, titans and soldiers. You are champions and heroes who face and have faced endless amounts of scrutiny and yet you have risen above all that hatred and have consistently been a voice of a nation. You will not be silenced. I love you and I promise that I will use my privilege to help you, whenever, wherever. 

Lastly, to my queer women, you rock! In a day and age where we seem to have regressed fifty years, you have been lights in the darkness that have moved us forward. As a bisexual woman myself, I am unapologetically proud of our community. Remember my lovely ones, white gay men are not the only beacons of hope within our society. Fill this world with all your love and pride. I love you. 

Women are powerful and strong, we are intelligent and beautiful and we are worthy of respect and equal rights. We will fight until the day we die in order to achieve something. We will not rest. We will persist, we will persist, we will persist. 

Viva! Viva! Viva! 

-Mila xx 

Check your privilege!

Hello people of the internet, I am back from my two month absence & I am very pleased to be writing about this topic today. 

"When you are in a position of privilege, equality seems like oppression"

As most of you have gathered by now, I am obviously leaning towards the left side of the political spectrum (and by leaning towards I mean, being unchangeably, unapologetically a democrat). 

I am a white woman, I recognise my privilege in society. I understand that although I still suffer from misogyny & biphobia, I am still white and that puts me in a position of power. Will I use my privilege to help people of colour? You bet your bottom dollar I will. But how come so many people (mainly white men) are uncomfortable with discussing this? 

Whenever someone brings up an injustice, I can guarantee you that at least one person will say something to try invalidate that statement. For example, "Black Lives Matter!" will be said and some ignorant fool will say "No Mila, ALL lives matter!". Yes? I know? That is the issue. Although ALL lives do matter, BLACK lives are the ones in danger, BLACK lives are the ones suffering and to undervalue that oppression is an unspeakable insult. When you are busy trying to include all people into your argument, you fail to realise that this false inclusivity is actually hurting the group of people who were trying to overcome these challenges in the first place. You are not being liberal or fair, you are essentially saying, "your movement only matters if it helps me in some way or doesn't make me uncomfortable". You are using your voice to silence someone else's in the hopes that you won't have to step out of your comfort zone surrounded in privilege. 

Now, I understand it may be difficult for some people. The common argument being, for example, "But I wasn't even alive during the Civil Rights Movement!". Yes, we know Aaron, you were born in the 90s. Unfortunately you still benefit from the system, set in place solely to oppress groups of people. 

The rise of women doesn't mean the fall of men. Pro-Black doesn't mean Anti-White. And you know what, to be perfectly honest with you, I am tired of saying that. If you genuinely believe that someone having the same rights as you is a bad thing, then I suggest you find a time machine and go back to '50s because you'll fit right it. 

And remember, to my fellow white allies, POC, WOC, members of the LGBTQI+ community, immigrants, Muslims etc, RISE UP! Speak out! Together we can change the world, one person at a time. I know it's challenging right now and in the current political climate, I can understand if you don't want to be vocal about these issues. Remember, you are valid and your experiences are valid. Rise up my brothers & sisters! 

Xoxo

Mila 

The Art of Saying No - A Realist's POV

I like to think that in the 21st century, we have grown as a species, meaning that we have found our own truths and assets and have decided to use them throughout our lives. Unfortunately that is not the case, as many people, in this day and age, are still terrified of the prospect of saying "no" to somebody.

As a staunch feminist, I know how the word "no" is sadly not taken very seriously by many people. Whether it be saying no to a creep asking you out or simply not consenting to sleep with someone. A friend of mine, commented a while ago that it's about how the person says no. I was very annoyed with that obviously ignorant statement. I wasted no time in telling him what was wrong with his statement. A firm "no" is exactly what it is. A "no". Meaning, that is not happening, I don't want this, I didn't say that etc... The age old belief of "playing hard to get" is in actual fact, somebody who is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Rejection can be tough, of course but dealing with that rejection in a misogynistic, chauvinistic way is wrong and honestly, disgusting.

I love making people happy and it breaks my heart knowing that I've disappointed someone. However, I began thinking about what saying "yes" did for me. Too often, after I've said yes, have I felt exhausted and taken advantage of. For example, someone asking me to do their essay for them because they were very tired or someone asking me to use my lunch break to track down their missing iPad. I'm not saying, "don't be kind". Believe me, having an open heart that gives more than it receives is still an ideal I long to have and an asset I believe I do have. My advice is to be smart when saying "yes".

I came across a quote in a book I was reading, that said something along the lines of "sacrifice is living love". Why? Why is love only deemed acceptable if we practically die showing it? Why is it that love needs to be exhausting and challenging in order to be seems as true? Is it not possible for people to be happy whilst still expressing their love? Writers and artists alike have always reiterated the idea that "love is suffering". Why? Is saying no to a loved one bad? Is it a shameful thing to do? Once again, I'm not saying, "don't be kind". I'm saying, "think about why you are saying yes".


There is a fine line between selfishness and self-preservation. Most of us do not succeed in never crossing into either terrains. Being human means making mistakes. Being human also means learning from them. So my advice to you is, give at your heart's content but don't forget about yourself in the process.


-Mila Brkic