Keeping White People Comfortable

The Art of Keeping Up With White People 

It is a fine art, keeping white people happy and comfortable. Not everyone can master it, so I've set up the following rules for you: 

1. Deny everything that mentions any form of white supremacy 
2. Don't speak about hair. Dear lord, don't speak about hair. 
3. And please, please don't bring up slavery. Ever.

If you follow each point, you can succeed in keeping a white person comfortable. Now, let's discuss why we shouldn't do that. 

As a white person myself, I can sense my privelege in my every day life and no matter what I expose myself to, I will never face nor even imagine facing the pain that POC go through on a daily basis. But, what I can do is try to get through to my white counterparts. 

Firstly, POC owe you nothing! A common rhetoric amongst white people involves the idea that people of colour are supposed to educate you on why your behaviour is wrong but that's completely and utterly inaccurate. People of colour shouldn't have to list out reasons for you not to be racist or describe how you using the n-word is demeaning. Please refer to literature and the internet for your "education", people of colour are not your reference book. 

Secondly, acknowledge the past and how you benefit from it. Please stop telling people of colour to "get over" their experiences of segregation, racism etc. Yes, your grandfather may have fled Lithuania in 1979 and yes, you may have to apply for financial aid to go to university but you are still privileged. Pretending like slavery and institutionalised racism aren't real doesn't really help anything. You just sound like your main goal is to keep yourself, as a white person, happy and blissfully unaware of the hardships your ancestors caused (which is probably accurate). 

Thirdly, stop with the micro-aggressions. Yes, Daniel we know that Thando has hair that's different from yours but you really shouldn't touch it or ask to touch it. That's weird and you probably wouldn't appreciate it if Lewis from your rugby team asked to touch your hair. Please stop saying you're "colour blind", we know that's not true. Start working on how you deal with race rather than denying its existence. And for God's sake, stop telling articulate people that they "talk white". Do you even hear yourself? Come on Jeff, that comment comes from your belief that the only white people can verbally express themselves. Hm, I thought you said you were "colour blind"? Nice try though. 

Lastly, stop saying you have black friends! People of colour are not tokens that you can pull out when you are being problematic. Seriously, stop it. It's offensive and dehumanising. Not to mention, it's incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved in the conversation. That's why you didn't get invited to Claude's party, Johan. 

In conclusion, white comfort is not more important that the rights of people of colour. Your bubble of denial is actually harming the world you live in. 

(And to my white readers in South Africa, being a "born free" doesn't excuse you from being racist. It actually means that you have the power and the means to end systemic racism and to try and fix the problems of the past without making it all about you!) 

The path to equality is rough, we all make mistakes along the way. But, you need to acknowledge those mistakes if you ever want to move forward. Nothing good ever comes from denial. 

Think of the past as a history book - learn from it and refer to it. Don't assume it's a work of fiction and then fail the exam and start to blame the author for your mistakes. 

- Mila 

Xx 

*Note - Yes, I know - "not all white people". But in this case, YES all white people, thanks. 

Check your privilege!

Hello people of the internet, I am back from my two month absence & I am very pleased to be writing about this topic today. 

"When you are in a position of privilege, equality seems like oppression"

As most of you have gathered by now, I am obviously leaning towards the left side of the political spectrum (and by leaning towards I mean, being unchangeably, unapologetically a democrat). 

I am a white woman, I recognise my privilege in society. I understand that although I still suffer from misogyny & biphobia, I am still white and that puts me in a position of power. Will I use my privilege to help people of colour? You bet your bottom dollar I will. But how come so many people (mainly white men) are uncomfortable with discussing this? 

Whenever someone brings up an injustice, I can guarantee you that at least one person will say something to try invalidate that statement. For example, "Black Lives Matter!" will be said and some ignorant fool will say "No Mila, ALL lives matter!". Yes? I know? That is the issue. Although ALL lives do matter, BLACK lives are the ones in danger, BLACK lives are the ones suffering and to undervalue that oppression is an unspeakable insult. When you are busy trying to include all people into your argument, you fail to realise that this false inclusivity is actually hurting the group of people who were trying to overcome these challenges in the first place. You are not being liberal or fair, you are essentially saying, "your movement only matters if it helps me in some way or doesn't make me uncomfortable". You are using your voice to silence someone else's in the hopes that you won't have to step out of your comfort zone surrounded in privilege. 

Now, I understand it may be difficult for some people. The common argument being, for example, "But I wasn't even alive during the Civil Rights Movement!". Yes, we know Aaron, you were born in the 90s. Unfortunately you still benefit from the system, set in place solely to oppress groups of people. 

The rise of women doesn't mean the fall of men. Pro-Black doesn't mean Anti-White. And you know what, to be perfectly honest with you, I am tired of saying that. If you genuinely believe that someone having the same rights as you is a bad thing, then I suggest you find a time machine and go back to '50s because you'll fit right it. 

And remember, to my fellow white allies, POC, WOC, members of the LGBTQI+ community, immigrants, Muslims etc, RISE UP! Speak out! Together we can change the world, one person at a time. I know it's challenging right now and in the current political climate, I can understand if you don't want to be vocal about these issues. Remember, you are valid and your experiences are valid. Rise up my brothers & sisters! 

Xoxo

Mila