Growing Up - Foreign

Recently I was sitting with a group of my friends and discussing the poignant topic of culture. I listened to them, speaking about who they were from a cultural standpoint, understanding and knowing their roots and feeling deep connections within their ancestry. It was at this point that I decided to write a piece about my own experience with that poignant topic - culture. 

My parents arrived from Yugoslavia in the early 90s, escaping civil war and attempting to settle in the recently (legally) liberated South Africa. After leaving Yugoslavia (now Serbia), they learnt a new language and adapted to new cultural norms and practices. Then I was born. 

My first language was Serbian but at the age of three, I learned English at my private primary school, which in the eyes of many, is the most basic form of privilege (I agree, it was). It was at this point that my cultural identity began to morph into a sort of hybrid, half-South African, half-Serbian.

Throughout my early years, I never really related to any of my friends when they spoke about family gatherings on Sundays or even the simple fact that their parents knew the Afrikaans language. My family was living in Serbia and my parents did not speak Afrikaans. I felt strange, knowing this yet still not fully understanding the nature of my feelings. 

My parents are wonderful people who always put me first. In doing so, we stopped speaking Serbian at home and English was now our primary language. When I meet Serbian people nowadays, they often remark how strange my accent is and how the gaps in my language are deplorable. When I speak to my fellow South Africans, they often ask me where I am from. I was born in Sandton, South Africa but clearly this does not reflect in who I am. 

I often say to myself, I am too South African to be Serbian and to Serbian to be South African. I find home and comfort in neither because I feel separate from both identities. 

Speaking to my own grandparents is difficult, my Eastern European side has practically been depleted from my memory, I speak with a broken language that I can say breaks their heart whenever I utter any words. Yet, I am often told by the people I grew up with, "Oh Mila is Serbian!". 

No, Mila is not. I am not Serbian, I cannot honestly call myself that, I have no cultural roots to that country besides my family. I am not South African, I have no roots here besides my memories of the past. 

It is hard getting by, convincing yourself that you are a citizen of the world when you know in your heart that you are not. It's strange how I feel like an immigrant, in the country of my birth. It's strange how I feel like an immigrant, in the country of my origin. 

These are not often stories that get told but I am glad that I told my experience on this blog today, maybe this will encourage other people to understand how I feel and understand the way that I am. 

As they say in Serbian, "Nema veze, ti si moya zvezda". 

- Mila Brkic 

Keeping White People Comfortable

The Art of Keeping Up With White People 

It is a fine art, keeping white people happy and comfortable. Not everyone can master it, so I've set up the following rules for you: 

1. Deny everything that mentions any form of white supremacy 
2. Don't speak about hair. Dear lord, don't speak about hair. 
3. And please, please don't bring up slavery. Ever.

If you follow each point, you can succeed in keeping a white person comfortable. Now, let's discuss why we shouldn't do that. 

As a white person myself, I can sense my privelege in my every day life and no matter what I expose myself to, I will never face nor even imagine facing the pain that POC go through on a daily basis. But, what I can do is try to get through to my white counterparts. 

Firstly, POC owe you nothing! A common rhetoric amongst white people involves the idea that people of colour are supposed to educate you on why your behaviour is wrong but that's completely and utterly inaccurate. People of colour shouldn't have to list out reasons for you not to be racist or describe how you using the n-word is demeaning. Please refer to literature and the internet for your "education", people of colour are not your reference book. 

Secondly, acknowledge the past and how you benefit from it. Please stop telling people of colour to "get over" their experiences of segregation, racism etc. Yes, your grandfather may have fled Lithuania in 1979 and yes, you may have to apply for financial aid to go to university but you are still privileged. Pretending like slavery and institutionalised racism aren't real doesn't really help anything. You just sound like your main goal is to keep yourself, as a white person, happy and blissfully unaware of the hardships your ancestors caused (which is probably accurate). 

Thirdly, stop with the micro-aggressions. Yes, Daniel we know that Thando has hair that's different from yours but you really shouldn't touch it or ask to touch it. That's weird and you probably wouldn't appreciate it if Lewis from your rugby team asked to touch your hair. Please stop saying you're "colour blind", we know that's not true. Start working on how you deal with race rather than denying its existence. And for God's sake, stop telling articulate people that they "talk white". Do you even hear yourself? Come on Jeff, that comment comes from your belief that the only white people can verbally express themselves. Hm, I thought you said you were "colour blind"? Nice try though. 

Lastly, stop saying you have black friends! People of colour are not tokens that you can pull out when you are being problematic. Seriously, stop it. It's offensive and dehumanising. Not to mention, it's incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved in the conversation. That's why you didn't get invited to Claude's party, Johan. 

In conclusion, white comfort is not more important that the rights of people of colour. Your bubble of denial is actually harming the world you live in. 

(And to my white readers in South Africa, being a "born free" doesn't excuse you from being racist. It actually means that you have the power and the means to end systemic racism and to try and fix the problems of the past without making it all about you!) 

The path to equality is rough, we all make mistakes along the way. But, you need to acknowledge those mistakes if you ever want to move forward. Nothing good ever comes from denial. 

Think of the past as a history book - learn from it and refer to it. Don't assume it's a work of fiction and then fail the exam and start to blame the author for your mistakes. 

- Mila 

Xx 

*Note - Yes, I know - "not all white people". But in this case, YES all white people, thanks. 

Why Musicals Matter

"I'll eat some breakfast and then can change the world" 

Musicals have always mattered to me, since I was a small child. I have always loved watching the classics like My Fair Lady and Singin' In The Rain but it wasn't until I turned thirteen that I had enough knowledge and emotional connection to say that musical theatre was my passion. 

That's why I decided to go to The National School of the Arts, to get further theatrical training and then later on, go study musical theatre. I tried for years to move away from this love, of course, like most theatre kids - I was told that it was practically hopeless and that I would probably be starving most of the time - but, in the midst of all of my anxiety, musical theatre always brought me back home, where my true happiness lay. 

So what is it about this that makes me say that it matters? Just because of one awkwardly tall, big mouthed girl's feelings? No. 

From the very beginning, theatre has always been used as an outlet to comment on society. Even Oedipus Rex had something important to say, although many of us today simply think of the incestual relationship within the play and cringe. Theatre has always been there to mirror life. 

Then came this thing called a musical (with song and dance and sweet romance!). It included songs and musical interludes, along with some speaking and acting that would casually turn to dancing within a few seconds. Some dismiss this art form and call it unnecessary, well, quite frankly - those people are absolutely wrong. 

In terms of art, musical theatre fuses every single art form and puts it together into one big spectacle of expression. It gives life to every piece of creativity one could imagine and makes it all fit together in one beautiful representation of life itself. 

Sure, people don't burst out into song every five seconds, with a full piece orchestra playing in the background (here's looking at you, Les Miserables) but then again, people don't really have to choose between dating a werewolf and a vampire, not everything that we watch has to be realistic. In fact, in my opinion, realism is one of the most boring genres of writing and I detest acting in that style. Musical theatre provides that much needed escapism that the public craves. 

Not every musical is jolly and lively however, musicals like Next To Normal painfully discuss the stories surrounding mental illness and pieces like West Side Story (although filled with catchy tunes and loveable villains) truthfully portray the struggles faced by immigrants. That's what makes musicals so versatile, there's one for every mood and that's what makes them so beautiful, they adapt to the people who watch them. 

Musical theatre provides you with the best social education anyone can hope for, this art form shows you the lessons, rather than forces you to read them at 3AM because the school system is flawed. I mean, take Newsies as an example - I had never even heard of the 1899 News Boys Strike before I watched the show and it provided some more interesting information into a narrative that wouldn't have been truly complete without that missing puzzle piece. Or a musical like Hamilton, personifying the founding fathers of America (as problematic as they are...) and providing the audience with a history lesson, whilst being surrounding by some really wonderfully clever hip hop hooks and raps. Or lastly, a musical like Something Rotten that literally makes Shakespeare the coolest person on the planet, it completely destroys any notion that you had on the Bard from school - it gives you some literary inspiration and gives you a fun educational experience, catchy songs and a crush on Christian Borle plus a ton of Shakespearean references to use at bars. 

And lastly, it brings people together and I think that's what matters to me the most. Musical theatre is a unifying art form that is as inclusive as it is powerful. Everyone is welcome on Broadway and that's what I love about it. Everything and anything goes, the only thing that keeps it there is hard work and talent, not money or whiteness. It's a place where everyone has a spot, backstage or in the spotlight and that's what the world needs. 

"It's such a delight, there's nothing quite like a musical!" 

- Mila Brkic 

Racism Is Not Dead

An ideology remains alive long after it is illegalised. Legislation does not cure people of their prejudice and truth and reconciliation does not breed forgiveness and consciousness. 

Is that a difficult concept for people to understand? Is it so unearthingly hard for folks to realise that centuries of hatred and oppression do not disappear after a day of democracy? 

Nor should it, quite frankly. It seems as though recognition and discussion has become more fuelled by white guilt than it has by any serious societal adjustment. Let's put this into context: 

1.  Germany post-Hitler 
2. South Africa post-Apartheid
3. America post-Jim Crow Laws 

With regards to Germany, Nazism was outlawed after the end of the war and Germany launched educational reforms in order to discuss the genocide occurring at the hands of the Nazis and their allies. Yet, today, in 2017, people are seen brandishing Nazi flags in protest of refugees. In spite of the entire country trying to move forward and recognise the cruelty of the people living in that country, in spite of the Nazis being charged with war crimes and put on trial - these prejudiced motherfuckers still exist and they continue their lives with their disgusting hate fuelled ideas. 

In South Africa, when Apartheid was outlawed and Nelson Mandela was elected as the first democratically elected President of this new South Africa, some people believed that it was all over. With the help of Desmond Tutu, the Truth & Reconcilliation Comission was set up, it involved people of colour and white people discussing their pain that occurred throughout the apartheid era. It was designed to be a noble attempt at moving forward. Instead, it was turned into a government program that focused more on white guilt than it did on the institutions of discrimination built up over centuries. Today, even though our constitution is sovereign and inclusive and that apartheid is no longer in place, there is a continued systemic oppression of people of colour. Yet, white people believe it's all over and reject that white privilege exists. 

America was de-segregated in the 1960s. From the 1960s, white folk have been silencing black stories because they believe that's it's all over and that suddenly years of pain, oppression and suffering would diminish to exist and that black people would simply, "move on". Yet, police forces still kill unarmed people of colour and black people are still screwed over by the justice system, as if civil rights were never won at all. As previously mentioned, legislation does not cure prejudice. 

I end this post by repeating this notion, legislation does not change ideology. Outlawing racism does not end racism. And the sooner white people stop crying their white tears and acknowledge their privilege, the sooner we can create a free and equal society. 

-Mila Brkic 

*note - yes, I know "not all white people", go fuck yourself :) 

Feminist Writers or Writers Who Are Feminists?

In the world of literature, every female writer is analysed brutally by the public, with authors such as Elena Ferrante being hunted down by an amateur detective and Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche being reprimanded for her extensive Pan-African writing. Yet, James Patterson continues to co-write his stories, cash in millions and somehow manages to never ever be publically shamed. Funny how that works.

Every time a woman writes a story, she needs to be careful. Her characters cannot be too strong, they cannot be too weak, they need to be relatable but not too relatable, they need to be clever but not cliche... blah blah blah. If a woman writes about somebody who has no self esteem, she is seen as anti-feminist. If a woman writes about someone with a wonderful sense of confidence, she is seen as a "feminist bitch". Women just cannot seem to catch a break. 

It seems as though women's literature is somehow judged more harshly due to it being developed in the female mind. For some reason, every story a woman writes needs to be exemplary with perfect characters and perfect language to be considered decent. Whereas, Jo Nesbo can write the same book twelve times and have nobody bat an eye. 

Let women express themselves free from your patriarchal judgment. We have so many stories to tell and your unfair standards and misogynistic critique are simply standing in our way, move them. Oh and don't worry, we'll make sure to include a "strong male character" while we're at it.

- Mila Brkic 

The Future? It's Female.

Hello everyone, in honour of International Women's Day, I have decided to publish this very special blogpost dedicated to all of my favourite women - from my mother to my best friend, to the girls who have offered me support to the women I have seen in media - this post is for all of you. 

Okay, firstly, I love women. I think that the immense support, love and loyalty we show towards one another is absolutely astounding. Every single day, I am inspired and amazed at how kindness prevails amongst us. Whether it's the woman who offered me a tampon in the bathroom when I exclaimed that I had none or the woman who stood up for me when I was sexually harassed, you are all angels and I am so proud that you are on this planet. I love how we can put our differences aside and stand up for each other. 

Secondly, to all of my trans sisters who feel excluded on days like this, I need you to remember that your identity is valid, you are a woman. No doubt about that. You use whichever bathroom you want, wear whatever you want and honestly just live however you want. I am deeply sorry that there are people out there who want to drag you down. I love you and I need you to stay strong and slay my sister! 

Thirdly, to women of colour everywhere, wow. Honestly, wow. You are warriors, titans and soldiers. You are champions and heroes who face and have faced endless amounts of scrutiny and yet you have risen above all that hatred and have consistently been a voice of a nation. You will not be silenced. I love you and I promise that I will use my privilege to help you, whenever, wherever. 

Lastly, to my queer women, you rock! In a day and age where we seem to have regressed fifty years, you have been lights in the darkness that have moved us forward. As a bisexual woman myself, I am unapologetically proud of our community. Remember my lovely ones, white gay men are not the only beacons of hope within our society. Fill this world with all your love and pride. I love you. 

Women are powerful and strong, we are intelligent and beautiful and we are worthy of respect and equal rights. We will fight until the day we die in order to achieve something. We will not rest. We will persist, we will persist, we will persist. 

Viva! Viva! Viva! 

-Mila xx 

Check your privilege!

Hello people of the internet, I am back from my two month absence & I am very pleased to be writing about this topic today. 

"When you are in a position of privilege, equality seems like oppression"

As most of you have gathered by now, I am obviously leaning towards the left side of the political spectrum (and by leaning towards I mean, being unchangeably, unapologetically a democrat). 

I am a white woman, I recognise my privilege in society. I understand that although I still suffer from misogyny & biphobia, I am still white and that puts me in a position of power. Will I use my privilege to help people of colour? You bet your bottom dollar I will. But how come so many people (mainly white men) are uncomfortable with discussing this? 

Whenever someone brings up an injustice, I can guarantee you that at least one person will say something to try invalidate that statement. For example, "Black Lives Matter!" will be said and some ignorant fool will say "No Mila, ALL lives matter!". Yes? I know? That is the issue. Although ALL lives do matter, BLACK lives are the ones in danger, BLACK lives are the ones suffering and to undervalue that oppression is an unspeakable insult. When you are busy trying to include all people into your argument, you fail to realise that this false inclusivity is actually hurting the group of people who were trying to overcome these challenges in the first place. You are not being liberal or fair, you are essentially saying, "your movement only matters if it helps me in some way or doesn't make me uncomfortable". You are using your voice to silence someone else's in the hopes that you won't have to step out of your comfort zone surrounded in privilege. 

Now, I understand it may be difficult for some people. The common argument being, for example, "But I wasn't even alive during the Civil Rights Movement!". Yes, we know Aaron, you were born in the 90s. Unfortunately you still benefit from the system, set in place solely to oppress groups of people. 

The rise of women doesn't mean the fall of men. Pro-Black doesn't mean Anti-White. And you know what, to be perfectly honest with you, I am tired of saying that. If you genuinely believe that someone having the same rights as you is a bad thing, then I suggest you find a time machine and go back to '50s because you'll fit right it. 

And remember, to my fellow white allies, POC, WOC, members of the LGBTQI+ community, immigrants, Muslims etc, RISE UP! Speak out! Together we can change the world, one person at a time. I know it's challenging right now and in the current political climate, I can understand if you don't want to be vocal about these issues. Remember, you are valid and your experiences are valid. Rise up my brothers & sisters! 

Xoxo

Mila