Leave My Body Alone

I cannot believe I actually have to write this piece but I am going to do so because I believe that this needs to be said, screamed and written on the the walls. Leave women’s bodies the fuck alone. 

From the beginning of time, women have punished for sexuality and confidence, whilst men have been rewarded and admired for theirs. Words like harlot, heathen, slut have all been used to try to dampen the spirits of women for having feelings and expressing natural urges and desires. This ends now. 

The matter of consent is the main central discussion that needs to be kept in the middle of this post. Women are shamed for being modest and shamed for being sexy. There is literally no winning in the patriarchy because the patriarchy does not understand the concept of consent. If a woman chooses to wear modest clothing, that is her decision and she should not be judged. If a woman chooses to wear revealing clothing, that is her decision and she should not be judged. 

“Leave things to the imagination” they say. Unfortunately, saying that implies that your body and your sexuality is up for their consumption. It implies that the only time you can be open about your appearance is when someone else imagines it. No! The main concept of bodily autonomy is that what is yours is yours. 

Recently, I was messaged by a relative, saying that my latest post on Instagram (which involved me in a selfie with a low cut shirt) was inappropriate. That relative told me I was half dressed and that I shouldn’t be putting up images like that. Why? Because my shoulders and cleavage were on display? As if no other person on this planet possibly possesses those exact same body parts. I was told that I was “pretty and smart” and that I didn’t “need to look sexy for Instagram”. No you’re absolutely right, I am pretty and smart. I didn’t have to do anything for Instagram. I did it because I wanted to, because I felt confident and because I looked pretty damn hot. 

In this day and age, if a cleavage photo bothers you, then you really should adapt your views to the times. If a boy had posted the same photo I did, there would no concern. Why is it only problematic if I do it? Should I cover up and hide myself forever? Does that mean I should never show anyone anything? Why does my perceived nudity alter my intelligence and beauty? 

Women are multi-faceted human beings and honestly our appearance and sexual expression in no way should jeopardise our character and our reputation. Get over yourselves, it’s the 21st century! 

There are so many more problems to be concerned with than a young woman who is confident with her body. And please use that time that you had recently devoted to sexism and slut-shaming to do something productive and positive. 

We are not your babes, we are not your toys. Grow the hell up. 

Women & White Supremacy

White Women Will Be Held Accountable

I write this a few days after Vicky Momberg, a racist real estate agent (we seem to have a lot of those in South Africa), was sentenced to a 3 year prison sentence for her racist rants against the South African Police Service. Vicky Momberg hurled racial slurs at the very people who were there to help her, repeating the word 43 times in a short period of time. 

She was arrested, denied bail and sentenced. In the words of Kim Kardashian, “she got what she deserved”. 

So...why are so many people defending this repulsive human being’s actions? Why are we suddenly concerned with harsh prison sentences? Why are we actively discussing this supposed injustice? I hate to break it to you, this country is racist as fuck. 

Vicky Momberg is a white woman. Usually when we think of white supremacy, we think of Klan members, Nazis, the National Party Government etc...the images we see are most commonly men. 

White supremacy is patriarchal in nature, along with believing that their pasty skin makes them superior, they also believe that their genitals do. It is unsurprising that racism and sexism go hand-in-hand, as they are both based on fundamentalist beliefs and views. 

However, it is ignorant to assume that white supremacy is a male dominated battle. No, white women exist in this space too. From the women who would capture Jewish people in Nazi Germany to the Klanswomen who broadcasted their message over radio, white women have always (and I mean always) been part of the problem. 

Yes, yes, I know - “ not all white people”, I am a white person! It’s okay! The only reason you would get defensive is because you know it applies to you. Anyway, for the longest period of time, white women have simply allowed their male counterparts to participate in their racist actions. 

It is uncomfortable for us to acknowledge that white women can be racist too, on the basis of their gender discrimination that is present in society. For example, in 2016, many white women, undeterred by Donald Trump’s misogynistic viewpoints, voted for him anyway. This is because in the view of the racist white woman, her racial group trumps her gender. 

It is difficult for us to accept that Vicky Momberg, who is not a bakkie driving bald Afrikaans man, can be just as racist because well, she looks like us. White women have been hiding their racism behind their gender oppression for years, so when someone like Ms Momberg comes along, they don’t know what to do. So they settle with defending her, which is highly problematic and if anything, simply confirms how discriminatory they are. 

We speak about her long prison sentence yet ignore the mass incarceration of people of colour. We say it is free speech then get upset when people scoff and say “white people”. We, as a collective, need to address these issues. 

I applaud the members of the court who sentenced Vicky Momberg, even though it is not entirely my place. So I pass the mic onto the people of colour who were affected by her words. 

However, while I am here I want to address the white people reading this. For literally the whole of history, white people have enslaved, brutalised, gentrified and assimilated people of colour. In our country, people who did so with a political motive, were offered amnesty. You are upset with Vicky Momberg getting three years in prison but you are okay with Apartheid criminals roaming free. This is a landmark case, you have a chance to be on the right side of history, take the opportunity to grow from this. 

And as for Vicky Momberg, I speak freely to you here. You got what you deserved, as a relic of the past, you deserve to be left in the past. You were denied bail because your words are dangerous, making you inherently dangerous. Have a good time in incarceration, let’s see where your melanin deficient skin gets you. And, when you do get out - I hope you are reformed. I hope that you think twice before you ever use that disgusting inflammatory word again. And if you do, you will be right back where you started.

White women, let’s check ourselves. As a group of people who have experienced oppression, let us align ourselves with those whose oppression is far greater than our own. Pass the mic and move forward. History has its eyes on you. 

-Mila Brkic

Self Care Extraordinaire

Hello Dear Readers

I am back from my five month blogging break and I am ready to share all of my little tidbits with you on this wonderful website. 

Let me be frank, 2017 was not a good year for me. I didn’t keep up with my mental health, I had a few moments of absolute madness and I had some very testing moments. I was not in the best headspace, which meant that I acted out against the people around me. I also didn’t really take care of myself. Despite my health kick that started in April 2017, which continues to be wonderful for my overall well-being, I seemed to be letting myself fall into a trap of not doing much about well...myself. 

So this year, I decided to start with my very own self titled self care extravaganza. It has been fruitful so far. I have been making sure to leave some time for myself to read a book I like, use some beauty products that I like, eat colourful vegetables everyday etc... Now despite the superficial nature of my newfound self care regiment, I have found that these three months of self awareness have really benefited me. 

Firstly, I am slowly but surely falling in love with myself and my own company. I used to be afraid of spending some time alone and I used to panic about sounding weird when I discussed myself in a positive light but that is a thing of the past. Giving myself some time to appreciate and acknowledge all of my quirks and flaws has made it a lot easier to accept myself. Not every day is a success story on the self love front but I am working towards making every day a success story on the acceptance front. After all, learning to love yourself and understand your worth is vital for your life. 

Secondly, I am investing more time in the community and in speaking to people. I was very closed off before, introverted to the point where any communication was unwelcome. But now, I try to have little chats with people I encounter that aren’t necessarily my friends. It’s been very eye opening for me to hear what people have to say and what they believe, especially for someone who considers themselves to be a humanitarian inclined person. I’ve also started to donate more of my time to a specific charitable organisation, getting involved in this organisation has really improved my overall sense of self and awareness and has opened my heart to a whole new range of people. If there is one advice I can share, give back, give back, give back. Not only does it improve the community and lives around you, it grows and gives meaning to your soul and your life. 

Thirdly, I am no longer apologising for the way that I am. I used to cower away when someone would probe me about something that I like or believe in. Not anymore. If 2017 has taught us anything as a collective is that silence is an undeniable, irrefutable crime. I will write, I will sing, I will read what I want, when I want and how much I want. Anyone who has a negative opinion, is not important in the bigger scheme of things. You do you baby, why waste your time with something that doesn’t benefit your heart? 

So, let’s see where this journey of self love takes me. Hopefully to a good place, where I am able to give back all of the love that I radiate in myself. 

I leave you with a few words of encouragement, do whatever it is that makes you happy, don’t apologise for being yourself and remember this is a long process, not a quick fix. 

You and I may be able to say, at this time next year, that we have come far in our journey of self love and acceptance. Until then, dear reader, be good and be kind. 

Love always 

Mila 

(Email me your self love story and/or tips at mila.brkic14@gmail.com or anything else you would like to talk about, all communication is welcome) 

Growing Up - Foreign

Recently I was sitting with a group of my friends and discussing the poignant topic of culture. I listened to them, speaking about who they were from a cultural standpoint, understanding and knowing their roots and feeling deep connections within their ancestry. It was at this point that I decided to write a piece about my own experience with that poignant topic - culture. 

My parents arrived from Yugoslavia in the early 90s, escaping civil war and attempting to settle in the recently (legally) liberated South Africa. After leaving Yugoslavia (now Serbia), they learnt a new language and adapted to new cultural norms and practices. Then I was born. 

My first language was Serbian but at the age of three, I learned English at my private primary school, which in the eyes of many, is the most basic form of privilege (I agree, it was). It was at this point that my cultural identity began to morph into a sort of hybrid, half-South African, half-Serbian.

Throughout my early years, I never really related to any of my friends when they spoke about family gatherings on Sundays or even the simple fact that their parents knew the Afrikaans language. My family was living in Serbia and my parents did not speak Afrikaans. I felt strange, knowing this yet still not fully understanding the nature of my feelings. 

My parents are wonderful people who always put me first. In doing so, we stopped speaking Serbian at home and English was now our primary language. When I meet Serbian people nowadays, they often remark how strange my accent is and how the gaps in my language are deplorable. When I speak to my fellow South Africans, they often ask me where I am from. I was born in Sandton, South Africa but clearly this does not reflect in who I am. 

I often say to myself, I am too South African to be Serbian and to Serbian to be South African. I find home and comfort in neither because I feel separate from both identities. 

Speaking to my own grandparents is difficult, my Eastern European side has practically been depleted from my memory, I speak with a broken language that I can say breaks their heart whenever I utter any words. Yet, I am often told by the people I grew up with, "Oh Mila is Serbian!". 

No, Mila is not. I am not Serbian, I cannot honestly call myself that, I have no cultural roots to that country besides my family. I am not South African, I have no roots here besides my memories of the past. 

It is hard getting by, convincing yourself that you are a citizen of the world when you know in your heart that you are not. It's strange how I feel like an immigrant, in the country of my birth. It's strange how I feel like an immigrant, in the country of my origin. 

These are not often stories that get told but I am glad that I told my experience on this blog today, maybe this will encourage other people to understand how I feel and understand the way that I am. 

As they say in Serbian, "Nema veze, ti si moya zvezda". 

- Mila Brkic 

Keeping White People Comfortable

The Art of Keeping Up With White People 

It is a fine art, keeping white people happy and comfortable. Not everyone can master it, so I've set up the following rules for you: 

1. Deny everything that mentions any form of white supremacy 
2. Don't speak about hair. Dear lord, don't speak about hair. 
3. And please, please don't bring up slavery. Ever.

If you follow each point, you can succeed in keeping a white person comfortable. Now, let's discuss why we shouldn't do that. 

As a white person myself, I can sense my privelege in my every day life and no matter what I expose myself to, I will never face nor even imagine facing the pain that POC go through on a daily basis. But, what I can do is try to get through to my white counterparts. 

Firstly, POC owe you nothing! A common rhetoric amongst white people involves the idea that people of colour are supposed to educate you on why your behaviour is wrong but that's completely and utterly inaccurate. People of colour shouldn't have to list out reasons for you not to be racist or describe how you using the n-word is demeaning. Please refer to literature and the internet for your "education", people of colour are not your reference book. 

Secondly, acknowledge the past and how you benefit from it. Please stop telling people of colour to "get over" their experiences of segregation, racism etc. Yes, your grandfather may have fled Lithuania in 1979 and yes, you may have to apply for financial aid to go to university but you are still privileged. Pretending like slavery and institutionalised racism aren't real doesn't really help anything. You just sound like your main goal is to keep yourself, as a white person, happy and blissfully unaware of the hardships your ancestors caused (which is probably accurate). 

Thirdly, stop with the micro-aggressions. Yes, Daniel we know that Thando has hair that's different from yours but you really shouldn't touch it or ask to touch it. That's weird and you probably wouldn't appreciate it if Lewis from your rugby team asked to touch your hair. Please stop saying you're "colour blind", we know that's not true. Start working on how you deal with race rather than denying its existence. And for God's sake, stop telling articulate people that they "talk white". Do you even hear yourself? Come on Jeff, that comment comes from your belief that the only white people can verbally express themselves. Hm, I thought you said you were "colour blind"? Nice try though. 

Lastly, stop saying you have black friends! People of colour are not tokens that you can pull out when you are being problematic. Seriously, stop it. It's offensive and dehumanising. Not to mention, it's incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved in the conversation. That's why you didn't get invited to Claude's party, Johan. 

In conclusion, white comfort is not more important that the rights of people of colour. Your bubble of denial is actually harming the world you live in. 

(And to my white readers in South Africa, being a "born free" doesn't excuse you from being racist. It actually means that you have the power and the means to end systemic racism and to try and fix the problems of the past without making it all about you!) 

The path to equality is rough, we all make mistakes along the way. But, you need to acknowledge those mistakes if you ever want to move forward. Nothing good ever comes from denial. 

Think of the past as a history book - learn from it and refer to it. Don't assume it's a work of fiction and then fail the exam and start to blame the author for your mistakes. 

- Mila 

Xx 

*Note - Yes, I know - "not all white people". But in this case, YES all white people, thanks. 

Why Musicals Matter

"I'll eat some breakfast and then can change the world" 

Musicals have always mattered to me, since I was a small child. I have always loved watching the classics like My Fair Lady and Singin' In The Rain but it wasn't until I turned thirteen that I had enough knowledge and emotional connection to say that musical theatre was my passion. 

That's why I decided to go to The National School of the Arts, to get further theatrical training and then later on, go study musical theatre. I tried for years to move away from this love, of course, like most theatre kids - I was told that it was practically hopeless and that I would probably be starving most of the time - but, in the midst of all of my anxiety, musical theatre always brought me back home, where my true happiness lay. 

So what is it about this that makes me say that it matters? Just because of one awkwardly tall, big mouthed girl's feelings? No. 

From the very beginning, theatre has always been used as an outlet to comment on society. Even Oedipus Rex had something important to say, although many of us today simply think of the incestual relationship within the play and cringe. Theatre has always been there to mirror life. 

Then came this thing called a musical (with song and dance and sweet romance!). It included songs and musical interludes, along with some speaking and acting that would casually turn to dancing within a few seconds. Some dismiss this art form and call it unnecessary, well, quite frankly - those people are absolutely wrong. 

In terms of art, musical theatre fuses every single art form and puts it together into one big spectacle of expression. It gives life to every piece of creativity one could imagine and makes it all fit together in one beautiful representation of life itself. 

Sure, people don't burst out into song every five seconds, with a full piece orchestra playing in the background (here's looking at you, Les Miserables) but then again, people don't really have to choose between dating a werewolf and a vampire, not everything that we watch has to be realistic. In fact, in my opinion, realism is one of the most boring genres of writing and I detest acting in that style. Musical theatre provides that much needed escapism that the public craves. 

Not every musical is jolly and lively however, musicals like Next To Normal painfully discuss the stories surrounding mental illness and pieces like West Side Story (although filled with catchy tunes and loveable villains) truthfully portray the struggles faced by immigrants. That's what makes musicals so versatile, there's one for every mood and that's what makes them so beautiful, they adapt to the people who watch them. 

Musical theatre provides you with the best social education anyone can hope for, this art form shows you the lessons, rather than forces you to read them at 3AM because the school system is flawed. I mean, take Newsies as an example - I had never even heard of the 1899 News Boys Strike before I watched the show and it provided some more interesting information into a narrative that wouldn't have been truly complete without that missing puzzle piece. Or a musical like Hamilton, personifying the founding fathers of America (as problematic as they are...) and providing the audience with a history lesson, whilst being surrounding by some really wonderfully clever hip hop hooks and raps. Or lastly, a musical like Something Rotten that literally makes Shakespeare the coolest person on the planet, it completely destroys any notion that you had on the Bard from school - it gives you some literary inspiration and gives you a fun educational experience, catchy songs and a crush on Christian Borle plus a ton of Shakespearean references to use at bars. 

And lastly, it brings people together and I think that's what matters to me the most. Musical theatre is a unifying art form that is as inclusive as it is powerful. Everyone is welcome on Broadway and that's what I love about it. Everything and anything goes, the only thing that keeps it there is hard work and talent, not money or whiteness. It's a place where everyone has a spot, backstage or in the spotlight and that's what the world needs. 

"It's such a delight, there's nothing quite like a musical!" 

- Mila Brkic 

Racism Is Not Dead

An ideology remains alive long after it is illegalised. Legislation does not cure people of their prejudice and truth and reconciliation does not breed forgiveness and consciousness. 

Is that a difficult concept for people to understand? Is it so unearthingly hard for folks to realise that centuries of hatred and oppression do not disappear after a day of democracy? 

Nor should it, quite frankly. It seems as though recognition and discussion has become more fuelled by white guilt than it has by any serious societal adjustment. Let's put this into context: 

1.  Germany post-Hitler 
2. South Africa post-Apartheid
3. America post-Jim Crow Laws 

With regards to Germany, Nazism was outlawed after the end of the war and Germany launched educational reforms in order to discuss the genocide occurring at the hands of the Nazis and their allies. Yet, today, in 2017, people are seen brandishing Nazi flags in protest of refugees. In spite of the entire country trying to move forward and recognise the cruelty of the people living in that country, in spite of the Nazis being charged with war crimes and put on trial - these prejudiced motherfuckers still exist and they continue their lives with their disgusting hate fuelled ideas. 

In South Africa, when Apartheid was outlawed and Nelson Mandela was elected as the first democratically elected President of this new South Africa, some people believed that it was all over. With the help of Desmond Tutu, the Truth & Reconcilliation Comission was set up, it involved people of colour and white people discussing their pain that occurred throughout the apartheid era. It was designed to be a noble attempt at moving forward. Instead, it was turned into a government program that focused more on white guilt than it did on the institutions of discrimination built up over centuries. Today, even though our constitution is sovereign and inclusive and that apartheid is no longer in place, there is a continued systemic oppression of people of colour. Yet, white people believe it's all over and reject that white privilege exists. 

America was de-segregated in the 1960s. From the 1960s, white folk have been silencing black stories because they believe that's it's all over and that suddenly years of pain, oppression and suffering would diminish to exist and that black people would simply, "move on". Yet, police forces still kill unarmed people of colour and black people are still screwed over by the justice system, as if civil rights were never won at all. As previously mentioned, legislation does not cure prejudice. 

I end this post by repeating this notion, legislation does not change ideology. Outlawing racism does not end racism. And the sooner white people stop crying their white tears and acknowledge their privilege, the sooner we can create a free and equal society. 

-Mila Brkic 

*note - yes, I know "not all white people", go fuck yourself :)